Well, you're probably asking, why do you do it then?
The truth is, I don't hate it all the time. There are definitely moments, everyday, that I hate it. When I'm sitting there, at 3 a.m., looking over at my snoozing husband, I hate it. When a steady regimen of Lansinoh isn't even starting to heal "the girls," I hate it. When I have to sleep in a bra so I don't soak my sheets, I hate it.
But, most of the time, I don't hate it. I love that my baby relies on me for his sole source of nutrients. I love sitting, one-on-one with my little guy several times each day. I love not having to make bottles or smell formula. I really love that I don't have to spend any money to feed my baby.
Breastfeeding and I have had our troubles in the past. Abby would spit up blood...blood that was coming from me. It was terrible. And, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you know about the problems I had with Clara. It seems as though history may be repeating itself...
We took Grant in for his first check-up when he was four days old. He had gained a few ounces since leaving the hospital and was on track to reach his birth weight in good time. This week, we took him in for his next check-up and he hadn't gained any weight since his last appointment. When I looked at the scale, my heart sank and I had to fight back the tears. We thought he was doing so well. He's such a sweet, happy baby. I wasn't prepared to deal with this again.
I don't always love breastfeeding but I know it's the best thing for my little guy and I hate that I'm not doing it good enough. The doctor recommended lots of water and rest (which I'm not very good at), pumping and making sure he doesn't go too long between feedings. He is an exceptional sleeper, day and night and I have to wake him up a lot, which I hate.
We take him in again on Monday for a weight check. Wish us luck!